


Introspection

by bluefire718



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Souyo Week 2019, references to bad parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-19 16:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18973372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluefire718/pseuds/bluefire718
Summary: “I’m not going anywhere.” Yosuke nudges Yu back, offering a weak smile. “Partner.”Souyo Week 2019 prompts collected into one multi-chapter feels fest.





	1. Never More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Souyo Week 2019 prompts can be found [here.](https://souyoweek2019.tumblr.com/post/184053187971/prompt-list-for-souyo-week-may-26-june-1)
> 
> Day 1: ~~Soulmates or~~ Music: Pick a Song from the P4 Soundtrack
> 
> I chose Never More for the song, and it's written like a songfic. The English translation I used was [this one](https://genius.com/Shoji-meguro-never-more-lyrics), though I know there's a couple versions floating around.

_Irresponsibly ruthless words fill this town but_  
_Never more, will a painful voice flow by_  
_Those days we spent casually are bidding farewell to us_  
_As we lose those irreplaceable days_  
_The rain hides the sun, stealing away its light_

“Is it really over?”

Yu looks up from his paper cranes at the sound of Yosuke's quiet voice. Rain patters against the window, filling the air with humidity and a cool undertone that eases the scorching summer heat. “The case?”

Yosuke nods. He is seated on the floor across the table from Yu, eyes fixated on the window. The entire atmosphere feels too calm to him, after everything they've been through.

It bothers him.

“We caught the killer.”

It's the response Yosuke expects, the answer he's been repeating in his head like a mantra, over and over. Mitsuo Kubo admitted to the killings. Mitsuo Kubo has been captured. Mitsuo Kubo is behind bars. It’s over, they can return to their lives. He can spend time with his friends, with Yu, like an ordinary teenager. The danger passed.

And yet…

“Yosuke?”

He lets out a long, slow sigh. “Something doesn't feel right.”

Silence, allowing him to gather his thoughts. To continue speaking. It's what Yu does, gives space for Yosuke to figure out and vocalize what's on his mind, without filling the air with empty words.

“He did it,” he continues, playing with the cords of his headphones. “We _heard_ him admit it. Even the voices in that retro game were messed up. But it feels...I don't know….”

“Anticlimactic?” Yu offers after a moment of Yosuke floundering for a word.

He nods solemnly. “Yeah.”

It isn’t often that Yosuke is at a loss for words. His mouth usually acts before his brain has time to catch up, to respond, to _think_. But what can he say about this? Everything is over, and he knows it.

“I just wish there was something that made it feel like the end.”

He doesn’t even realize he speaks out loud until Yu reaches over and taps him on the shoulder. Finally, after what seems like hours, Yosuke tears his eyes away from the rain streaming down the windowpane to glance at Yu, his friend's eyes just as grey as the sky.

“I understand,” Yu says in his soft voice, letting his hand drop to the table. “I wish there was something, too.”

“You do?” A nod. “Man, I never thought you’d be looking for something like that. You’ve always seemed so unbothered by all of this.”

Yu’s lips quirk into a tiny smile. “I’m just better at hiding it.”

Yosuke rolls his eyes, attempting to appear more nonchalant than he feels. “You do a damn good job, I can never tell.”

“Yet you read me better than anyone.”

“I do, don’t I?” Yosuke can’t help the pride that swells through him, sitting up a bit straighter as Yu’s eyes soften. “Guess we’re partners for a reason, huh?”

“Mhm.”

Rain continues to create a soft noise in the quiet room. Yu looks at Yosuke, almost fondly, to the point where the latter feels a bit uncomfortable under the intense gaze, like his soul is on display. His thoughts, his feelings, everything that his mind hasn’t even caught up with yet.

Why does he want recognition?

A change inside the TV, some grand declaration from their personas, fog refusing to return to Inaba. Anything to make it feel like the case is actually closed.

A sudden thought strikes Yosuke, then. _The case is closed_. They have no reason to enter the TV, to use their personas, to continue...anything. Sure, they’ll try to remain close friends, but what initially connected them all is now severed. Summer will fade away, leading into fall and winter, and then…

 _If I get on the train now, I have the feeling I won’t see you again_  
_Never more, will you have to give the troubled me a little push_  
_I will believe in that smile of yours, in our bond_  
_Never more, for even when we are apart, your heart will be with me_

...Yu.

Yosuke notices that Yu is still staring at him, and he meets his gaze, no longer feeling the discomfort from his soul on display. Yu has already seen all of him, they’ve already determined they’re best friends. Partners. Yosuke should have nothing to hide from him.

He won’t hide anything from him.

“Do you think we’ll stay friends?”

Yu looks shocked, eyes widening, almost fearful, but his voice is even when he responds. “We’ll always be friends.”

Yosuke ignores the way his heart skips a beat at that.

With a small sigh, Yu shifts, moving over to Yosuke’s side of the table to sit beside him. Yu looks at him intently, his mouth curled down in a frown. “Why are you asking me that?”

“The case tied us all together, you know?” Yosuke replies in a hushed tone. “Without it, there’s really nothing making us stay friends. We’ll hang out while you’re here and everything, but when you’re gone? We’ll probably all just drift away. Like what happened with my old city friends.”

The sadness in Yu’s expression becomes too much for Yosuke to handle, so he shifts his gaze to his hands clenching each other in his lap, nails digging into the skin. He can’t even feel it. “I think...I think that’s why I want something _more_ ,” he continues before Yu can interject. “Some kind of ending. It’ll make it easier when we all go our separate ways.”

The sudden silence is deafening, Yosuke’s heart pounding in his ears, against his ribcage, hurting. It’s always hurting. Why does this shit always have to _hurt_? Thinking of losing everyone on the Investigation Team’s friendship, thinking of losing Yu…

The thoughts hurt him more than finally deleting those old numbers on his phone.

“I don’t want to leave,” Yu says after far too long, nearly whispering. He reaches a hand out, lightly touching the back of Yosuke’s hand, dragging his fingers across the knuckles until Yosuke’s grip relaxes. “I’ve never had friends like you. Never had a _best_ friend, like you. And even though I have to leave Inaba”--Yu’s fingers press down a bit harder--”I’ll stay in contact.”

Yosuke stares at Yu’s long fingers, still drawing circles in his skin. He can barely hear, barely breathe, his head dizzy and pounding. Yu’s words, his touch, it’s all--

Yu nudges him with his shoulder, forcing Yosuke to look up into soft eyes that are so _exposed_ and _sad_ and like Yosuke’s never seen them before.

\--it’s all too much.

“I can’t lose any of you,” Yu says, his voice filled with a conviction attempting to mask his vulnerability. The way his eyes seem to be pleading says what is unspoken in that moment.

_He doesn’t want us abandoning him, either._

“I’m not going anywhere.” Yosuke nudges Yu back, offering a weak smile. “Partner.”

Yu lets out a hum from the back of his throat, his fingers falling still on Yosuke’s hand. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, man. It’s what I’m here for.”

“Me too.” Yu slips his fingers between Yosuke’s and presses their palms together, clinging tight.

Yosuke’s mouth turns dry. His eyes widen as Yu continues to look at him with an expression of pure gratitude, smiling slightly, everything about him in that moment feeling so warm.

 _Even now I remember_  
_Those nights when I was only with you_  
_Those are wonderful memories for me_  
_I will always remember you_

Every nerve on Yosuke’s skin feels more sensitive than usual, as if Yu’s being radiated electricity. It’s strange and unsettling, quickening his heart even more than the conversation already had.

It’s difficult to think.

“Are you all right?” Yu asks, brows furrowing.

Yosuke licks his dry lips. “Y-Yeah! Yeah. I’m good.” He chuckles a bit, tightening his grip on Yu’s hand and pushing down the weird swell of some unidentified emotion. “I think...I think we’ll be okay. All of us.”

Yu moves closer, so their sides are pressed up against one another. He sighs deeply, tilting his head to look out the window. “Why the sudden change of opinion?”

Yosuke shrugs. “I figure, if we’re nervous about this, maybe the others are too, you know? It’s harder to drift away when no one wants it to end.”

“When no one wants it to end,” Yu repeats in a murmur. His thoughts seem far away.

Yosuke stares at Yu and his pensive expression, the way his eyes narrow nearly imperceptibly as he thinks deeply. The warmth from his body radiates into Yosuke, making him flush. He can smell Yu’s aftershave, this close, the scent faint and sweet.

Slowly, hesitantly, Yosuke mimics what Yu did earlier, brushing his thumb lightly across Yu’s knuckles.

Yu stiffens as he turns his gaze back to Yosuke. He seems to search for something in Yosuke’s eyes before his body relaxes and the smile returns to his face. “I think you’re right. Again.”

“Again?” Yosuke laughs. “When was I right the first time?”

“You’ve been right often. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Yosuke blushes, rubbing his nose with his free hand. He can feel Yu sink a little deeper into his side, and even though he’s thoroughly embarrassed, he must admit.

Being this close feels nice.

Yu pulls Yosuke’s hand into his own lap, staring down at their entwined fingers. “Yosuke?”

Yosuke raises his eyebrows. His heart hammers. “Yeah?”

Yu presses his lips together, contemplating, and lets out a long breath. He flicks his gaze up at Yosuke to look at him through his silver hair. “You’re special to me too.”

A wide, genuine grin spreads across Yosuke’s face, and he holds onto Yu’s hand a little tighter.

As the rain slowly begins letting up, they remain pressed together, the only sounds their breathing and the drizzling rain. Even Yosuke’s heart decides to stop overwhelming his ears and chest, the anxiety and nervous energy dying down into a quiet hum.

Sometimes, no words are needed to fill the silence. Yosuke has difficulty with this, but here, he finally gets it. This connection between him and Yu, charged through their hands and shoulders and looks filled with understanding, is enough. A silent reminder that they are here, together, safe within that small room.

And if Yosuke notices that unidentified emotion popping up once more as Yu taps his foot against Yosuke’s own, then he chooses to ignore it, for the moment.

Besides.

They have plenty of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Again?” Yosuke laughs. “When was I right the first time?”
> 
> “When you said I seemed good with my hands.”
> 
> was how my brain originally wanted that to go, but alas, I decided to keep a more somber tone
> 
> come talk to me on [tumblr!](https://dumbassdisaster.tumblr.com/)


	2. Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Souyo Week](https://souyoweek2019.tumblr.com/post/184053187971/prompt-list-for-souyo-week-may-26-june-1) Day 2: ~~confession or~~ partner

There's always been an aching loneliness inside his chest, seeping into the deepest recesses of his existence. He assumes that's why he felt that protectiveness for Nanako from the moment he arrived in Inaba, recalling late nights and broken promises from his own childhood. There had never been resentment toward his parents when he was young, just that desire to prove he lived up to everything they wanted, that push and need for perfection. The resentment came much later, when he realized loneliness was stifling and cold and stuck within him. 

It shocked him when his friends in Inaba entered his life and became a presence so fierce, so permanent, that he was never alone. And it was the fear of losing those same friends that made him lonely even when surrounded by their love and warmth.

So when Yosuke allows him to trace his fingers over soft skin and bony knuckles, comforting, and then turns words around to comfort  _ him _ back, it's as if his world is shattered and rebuilt multiple times within one moment. The rain falls, lessens, disappears. Yosuke is pressed against his side, supportive and reliable, and Yu allows himself to believe. Just for a moment. The stripping of his position as leader won't matter, they'll all be close for the rest of summer, the rest of the school year, until he’s forced to leave, and even then, they'll be close hundreds of miles apart. Because, really, he can’t go back to that loneliness. Not after knowing all of them. 

Not after knowing  _ him _ . 

And it's on this day, beside Yosuke, that his heart leaps and betrays him, emotions spiking in ways he's still unused to. He finds himself thinking about lying together in a futon, head on Yosuke’s chest, listening to the rain with sleep clouded eyes and hands clutched tight. It's a thought that consumes him, but is not unpleasant. 

It's a thought he wishes to pursue, but doesn't dare mention. 

\---

Days later, the summer is coming to an end, and they’re all still friends. Fireworks light up the night sky, loud and colorful and jovial, and everyone is bickering but in the way they always have. They’re all about to head home when Yu glances up to meet Yosuke’s gaze from across their makeshift circle, and he realizes he isn’t ready.

Not yet.

He approaches Yosuke as everyone begins filing away, latching onto his wrist. “Come with me?”

Yosuke gives him a curious look out of the corner of his eye, but nods, telling Teddie to go without him. When the latter begins loudly complaining, Yukiko steps in to comfort and eventually convince him to listen and agree.

Six pairs of eyes fix on the two of them standing stock-still, as their friends disappear down the hill, out of sight.

With a gentle tug, Yu requests Yosuke to follow him. 

“Where are we going?” he asks, though he begins walking alongside Yu.

“You’ll see.”

Yosuke sighs, almost laughing. “Whatever, man. Just don’t go murdering me out here.”

“Can’t make any promises.” Yu glances behind him, face serious but eyes twinkling, and Yosuke  _ does _ laugh this time, shaking his head in exasperation.

The sound makes Yu’s face flush and breath quicken.

He quickly turns away, willing the heat in his cheeks to cool, focusing on their destination in the dark, which they soon reach. He contemplates letting go of Yosuke’s wrist but decides against it, instead keeping his grip as he sits down on the grass within a circle of trees, Yosuke following him to the ground.

Yu belatedly realizes he should begin a conversation. He asked Yosuke to stay, this responsibility should fall on him, but it’s difficult, and he doesn’t know where to begin.

Luckily, Yosuke’s general dislike of silence--minus that day, pressed together, so quiet--saves him from the overwhelming task. “It’s a nice night.”

“It is.”

“It’s crazy, you know? How many stars you can see here. It’s so orange in the city.” Yosuke scrunches his nose. “We sure were missing out before.”

Yu glances at Yosuke staring up at the sky with knees curled toward his chest, wrist still held between Yu’s fingers. He takes a moment to admire the moonlight on his friend’s features before focusing on the stars as well. 

“You adjusted a lot faster than I did,” Yosuke continues, nudging Yu playfully. 

“I had more practice.” 

“Oh yeah, you said you’ve moved around a lot.”

“Mhm.”

There’s a pause, and Yosuke lowers his head. When Yu turns to look at him, the other boy is staring at the ground, sheepish. Yu blinks. “I never minded it, though,” he says, feeling like he should elaborate. The air is heavy, not with awkwardness or tension, but with the weight of emotions hiding beneath the surface, cocooned by the warm night air and bittersweet peace of the evening.

_ Bittersweet _ .

Yosuke bites his lip. “I don’t know how. That would’ve pissed me off. I already despised my parents for dragging me out here, I can’t imagine if they did that to me  _ constantly _ .”

Yu stiffens, unsure what to say, unsure how much he  _ wants  _ to say. They’re approaching territory he’s never discussed with anyone before.

But then again.

He did already open up to Yosuke about one of his fears. Sure, it began as a way to comfort Yosuke more so than to get something off his own chest, but he can’t deny the slight weight that was lifted after their conversation.

Besides, Yosuke has always been so honest with him. So open. Speaking of his own issues is something that Yosuke deserves. As his partner.

Yu sighs deeply, grip tightening on Yosuke’s wrist as he readies himself. “I kind of do.”

“What?” Yosuke looks up at Yu, and he tries not to get distracted by the confusion in Yosuke’s eyes, shining with moonlight.

“Despise my parents.”

Silence.

Yu can hear his heartbeat in his ears, feel it in his neck.

He’s struggling to find words.

Yosuke waits for him to continue.

“I…” Yu trails off as he remembers to breathe. This is harder than the other day, without the knowledge that he’s also speaking in reassurance. He doesn’t know how to feel about the spotlight being on  _ him _ . “I think I have,” he continues, voice hushed and breathless, “for a while, now.”

Yosuke’s brows furrow, creasing into worry, and Yu finds he can’t look at the obvious display of sympathy, so he shifts his gaze back to the faraway stars. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yosuke asks hesitantly, once it’s clear Yu isn’t continuing.

He should. He really should. Yosuke deserves that much.

His thoughts whirl in directions so quick he can barely catch them. Lonely nights, worried neighbors, teaching himself how to cook and clean so his parents don’t have to in the mornings. Forgetting how to make friends, not wanting to forge close connections just to be ripped away. 

Finding his teammates, worrying they’ll abandon one another as the high from the solved case dissipates, as he leaves Inaba and his uncle and his cousin. Starting over. Receiving less and less calls until his phone is silent.

Not speaking to others in fear it’ll happen again.

“I don’t want to go back to them,” he says, echoing his admission from the other day. “I...really, really don’t want to go back.”

He finds his voice failing, wavering, and he knows he can’t continue. It’s unfair, after all Yosuke has bared to him, after all the honesty and trust. Yu just...doesn’t know if he can be emotionally open. With anyone.

His stomach twists painfully at the thought, eyes watering, stars swimming in his vision.

Yosuke shifts closer to him until their knees bump together, and he twists his wrist to get it out of Yu’s strong hold. 

Yu drops it, muttering a quick apology, but Yosuke snorts under his breath before hesitantly draping his arm around Yu’s back in a loose side hug. Yu’s muscles tense and heart pounds painfully before it all falls into an overwhelming sense of relief.

He relaxes into Yosuke, using him as an anchor, allowing himself to rely on someone else. 

“You can call anytime, you know,” Yosuke says quietly, tightening his grip on Yu’s side. “And we’ll visit. Even if you’re going back to your shitty parents, that isn’t your home anymore. It’s here. In Inaba. With me.” A pause. His fingers twitch. “A-And, uh, you know. With the rest of us. We all got your back.”

Yu’s face is burning, and he knows Yosuke’s is, too, even if he isn’t looking at him. He can tell by the stuttering, the warmth radiating off him and onto his own skin.

Sitting there, emotionally vulnerable and wrapped in Yosuke’s arms, Yu’s heart swells with fondness. It’s uncomfortable, being consoled, but he needs Yosuke’s presence, unassuming and strong, allowing him to voice his insecurities without pushing for more.

And in the summer air, Yu’s able to identify exactly what he’s feeling for his friend, what he’s probably been feeling for a while, but it’s been so long since he’s gotten  _ close _ to someone. He just...couldn’t recognize it.

His thoughts still, worries over his parents falling away. He can only focus on the feel of the grass, the look of the night sky, and Yosuke’s presence beside him.

“I love Inaba,” Yu murmurs, slowly leaning his head against Yosuke’s shoulder, leaving meanings unspoken to settle in the back of his mind.

Yosuke stiffens. “Yeah,” he breathes, voice high-pitched, and Yu tries not to read too much into it. “Me too, partner.”

Yu hums in agreement. He turns his head slightly so he can continue to gaze up into the heavens. “You were right about the stars,” he says, “we were missing out before.”

“Good thing we both came to Inaba then, huh.” Yosuke chuckles as he relaxes again.

Yu feels peace wash over him, feels Yosuke’s warmth radiating into him. His lips lift into a small smile. “Does this count?”

Yosuke cocks his head at the question, cheek brushing the top of Yu’s head. “Count?”

“As something bittersweet.”

It takes a second before Yosuke catches what Yu’s referring to, and he lets out a loud groan. “You just had to bring that up, didn’t you,” he says. Yu’s about to retort with something he knows would make Yosuke laugh, but the latter beats him to it. “But yeah. It kinda does.”

Yu blinks in surprise, his mind going blank. The affection behind the words and tone of Yosuke’s voice doesn’t evade him, and his chest and eyes burn.

Suddenly, the stars seem miniscule, compared to the moment they share, falling into an easy conversation about lighter topics, never moving from their position.

For the second time within a few days, Yu’s filled with the sense that he could remain where he is forever, pressed against his best friend, his partner. Even if Yu couldn’t say everything he wanted, everything Yosuke deserves to know, he believes it’s a step in the right direction.

And one day, when he can assure himself that they’re truly equals, that he is no longer holding back, maybe they’ll turn into something more.

For now, he just focuses on the stars, the heat, and Yosuke’s laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely comments, it really means the world to me~
> 
> This ended up being a day late because I was packing all day yesterday. Moving back to my old house in my childhood neighborhood today, and honestly, posting this is a great way to start the morning.


	3. Weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Souyo Week](https://souyoweek2019.tumblr.com/post/184053187971/prompt-list-for-souyo-week-may-26-june-1) Day 3: illness/injury ~~or holding hands~~

Ultimately, Yu didn’t need to worry about losing the position of leader, of his friends drifting apart after summer, because the case isn’t over.

And Naoto Shirogane has been kidnapped.

They race through the secret lab’s floors quickly, finishing in only two days, and they now stand outside the door Rise swears hides Naoto and his Shadow.

Kanji’s been furious the entire trek there. Furious and concerned. Yu understands, given Kanji’s feelings, and the situation as a whole. Everyone on the team is a little high strung, and Yu himself almost feels…

Well, like he should’ve known better.

How he didn’t determine that there was another killer bothers him, but he’s trying not to dwell on it as they walk through the doorway and find Naoto staring, hand on hip, at a crying version of himself.

The entire exchange is a punch to the gut.

Naoto’s feelings of isolation, dying for acceptance and recognition, grasping to be taken seriously in the world, all to be treated as dirt based on age and gender. Not wanting to be alone.

_ “Why am I always left alone!?” _

Yu blinks hard as memories echo in his thoughts, memories he doesn’t have time to be reliving, of figures disappearing behind closed doors, hands on his shoulders as he reaches out to retreating silhouettes.

_ “I don’t wanna be alone.” _

“It’s okay...let the kid spill the whole thing.” Kanji’s voice breaks through Yu’s distraction, momentarily, and Yu slowly looks at his teammate with wide eyes.

“If not, Naoto’s just gonna keep hurting…”

Keep hurting. 

_ "Do you want to talk about it?" _

Yu frowns, shaking his head, doing his best to not focus on Yosuke as Naoto’s Shadow glows purple and black before expanding.

It’s something he’s realized over the past few months: Despite the horrors and emotional and physical strain of confronting their shadows, his friends do benefit from it. Being forced to look at their suppressed selves, forced to acknowledge and share those deep feelings, triggers something within them that acts as a catalyst for personal growth and change.

Yet Yu can barely hold a conversation focused on his emotions.

What does that make him?

He grunts as he gets hit by an elemental weakness, staggering a bit at the power behind the blow. Naoto’s Shadow is...strong. Very strong. But it’s the price to pay, for them to feel better. To face the truth of themself.

_ “Do you seek the truth?” _

He wants to. By god, he wants to. But how can he, when he knows there’s something inside him, something deeper he can barely acknowledge, that’s restricting him.

_ Loneliness. Stilted conversations. Empty homes. Nameless faces.  _

_ Repeated over and over, again and again. _

He tries to dodge but doesn’t react quick enough, his mind preoccupied, and gets hit by  _ another _ attack. Yukiko heals him once more, asking if he’s all right. He barely hears her.

Naoto’s been lonely, too, with all these expectations on them only to be shoved aside once they’re no longer useful. The idea fills Yu with rage, and he strikes at their Shadow, screaming out, because no one should feel that way. No one should be left alone. No one should be abandoned because they can no longer be  _ used _ .

Wasn’t that what he was so scared of, after Kubo? Being thrown away?

_ Failed exams. Angry voices. Emptiness. Loneliness.  _

He should’ve tried harder after Kubo. Kept searching. Maybe then Naoto wouldn’t have used themself as bait. Maybe the killer could’ve been caught. If only he’d been better.

But they’re all still here. His teammates. His friends. Yosuke. He doesn’t doubt them, but…

_ Missed calls. Unreturned messages. Missing, missing, missing.  _

...everyone always leaves.

“Yu!”

He barely has time to register the voice before he notices a huge attack coming his way, hitting him square in the chest, knocking him flat on his back as his head bangs painfully against the hard, metallic floor.

He sees Yosuke out of the corner of his eye, hovering over him, before his vision fades away to nothing.

\---

The first thing he registers is a sound. A loud ringing in his ears, cutting through the backdrop of buzzing static.

The next is a sharp pain in his skull. It’s blinding. He can’t think. The ringing enhances it, increasing and increasing until it feels as if his brain is being crushed.

Then, a coolness, the decrease of pain. Pressure eases, and he can hear words. His name, repeated over and over, in hushed tones, like a prayer.

Finally, he becomes aware of his body, his limbs touching a cool surface, and he realizes he’s looking at darkness. Slowly, he eases his eyes open, greeted by blurry vision that lessens as his vision adjusts.

Yosuke is directly above him, staring down, his mouth open as if he’d been in the middle of a sentence. Their eyes meet.

Yu blinks a couple times until Yosuke’s face is in focus. The air feels odd. Everything is too bright. Too loud.

Yosuke looks as if he’s about to cry. “Shit,” he says with a humorless laugh. “You scared me, partner.”

“I--” His voice is raspy. It hurts to talk. “Did I--”

“You were out,” Yosuke interrupts, voice also weak. Yu hates the way his best friend is looking at him. Worried. Frightened. He’s still not used to it. Feels wrong.

A rustling of fabric is heard, and Yu turns his head slightly, just able to make out a hint of red. As he does, warmth floods through his body, and he feels less heavy, his mind clearing even more. He notices that it’s strangely quiet.

The red begins to move, and Yu follows it until Yukiko is in full view, kneeling beside Yosuke. She’s pale and sweaty, dark bags under her eyes. “You look better, Yu-kun” she says softly, a sad smile appearing on her lips. “How are his readings?”

“A little over half health, no other ailments. He’s going to be okay!”

Rise’s voice sounds like it’s coming directly above him, and is followed by sighs of relief. Curious, he tilts his head up and sees the rest of the team standing over him, an exhausted Naoto leaning heavily against Chie.

That means…

“Your Shadow?” he asks, relieved to find speaking no longer tears his throat.

Naoto nods stiffly. “I’ve accepted it, Senpai.”

“Teddie and Chie stepped up when you were unconscious,” Rise says, Himiko disappearing to reveal a look of worry and relief on her face. 

“We really kicked that thing’s ass.” Kanji crosses his arm. “You’ve never been knocked out before, Senpai. For a while, we...uh...kind of thought that….” He trails off, frowning, and a cold shiver shoots down Yu’s spine.

“Thought what?”

“That you wouldn’t wake up.” Yu focuses on Yosuke once more. This time, there are definitely tears in his eyes, despite obvious efforts to force them down. 

His statement confuses Yu. “Why?”

“My spells weren’t working,” Yukiko explains. She pushes her bangs back with a shaky hand. “And neither were the items….”

“It’s damn near a miracle that you survived. We were givin’ Yukiko-senpai two more tries before we split up to get Naoto the hell out of here.” Kanji’s voice is sad, guarded. A collective murmur of agreement follows his words.

Yukiko’s gaze softens, trying to be reassuring. “Luckily, my last attempt worked, but...I’m not sure what I did different…”   
  
“Yeah, it was really weird,” Chie says. “It was like you just decided to not be dead anymore and started breathing again.”

A hush falls upon the group, Yosuke tense and shaking. Yu stares at him for a moment before offering a weak smile. “Well,” he says, breaking the silence, “what matters is that it worked. Right?”

“Right!” Chie exclaims with such passion in the quiet space that everyone jumps a little, and Yukiko giggles.

Testing the waters, Yu sits up, Yosuke’s hands shooting out to hover beside him in case support is needed. He winces a bit at the slight pounding in his head the movement causes, and struggles against the stiffness in his limbs, but otherwise, he feels all right. The leftover injuries will likely be unnoticeable once they leave the TV.

Yosuke eyes him warily. “You good?”

Yu nods, bumping Yosuke’s arm lightly with his fist, making the other boy relax and drop his hands. Yu turns toward Yukiko. “You look tired. Naoto-kun, too. We should go.” 

Everyone nods, and Yu makes to stand. One more glance at Naoto and Yukiko, and he’s grateful that he revived when he did. He isn’t sure how much longer they could’ve stayed in that world.

“Thank you,” he says to Yukiko softly. She places a gentle hand on his arm.

The entire time, he feels Yosuke’s eyes burning in the back of his skull, and he attempts to ignore the swell of guilt.

\---

“I’ll walk you home,” Yosuke says once they’re out of the TV, still staring at Yu with that unfamiliar, intense gaze.

“That’s not necessary.”

Yosuke scoffs. “Like hell it isn’t.”

Yu’s eyes widen, and everyone else is staring at this point, too. There’s an uneasy tension building within the group that sets Yu on edge. It’s too familiar.

“He should go with you, Senpai,” Rise says softly, one arm slung around Naoto for support. “You were healed, but you still don’t look great.”

And there’s that look. That worry. From all his friends, all his teammates, and he’s never felt like he’s let down this many people at once.

How many times can he do this to them, before it’s too much?

“Partner.” He looks over to Yosuke, whose voice is almost pleading, and that’s enough for him to give in.

The silence is tense during the walk home, Yu’s stomach twisting whenever he risks a glance at Yosuke. He seems...angry, almost. And hurt.

And Yu’s the one who caused it.

When they reach the Dojima house, he turns to Yosuke, forcing a smile. “Thank you,” he says, “for walking me home.”

Yosuke crosses his arms, shrugs. “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, man.”

“I could’ve handled it.”

Something flashes in Yosuke’s eyes, a disapproval, and Yu has to look away.

“You’re acting weird,” Yosuke notes.

Yu sighs wearily, rubbing a hand across his face. “I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, I get it. You were out for a long time, and knock outs already  _ suck _ .” Yosuke pauses and reaches a hand out, placing it on Yu’s shoulder, coaxing him to look up again. “I know you’re gonna be fine. Everything worked out. But…”

Yu raises a brow. “But?”

“You could tell me. If you’re not fine.”

There’s a heaviness to Yosuke’s words that makes Yu’s throat constrict, tighten. The pressure from the hand on his shoulder is suddenly too much.

“Yosuke…”

_ I don’t wanna be alone. _

He inhales sharply, mouth open, trying to form words that are sitting on the tip of his tongue. How much he doesn’t want Yosuke to go. How much he doesn’t deserve him to stay.

“Dude.”

Yu startles at the word spoken in a soft, deep voice, and he stares into brown eyes. He tries to push back the sudden wave of dizziness from Yosuke’s concern. That’s all it’s been, the last few times they’ve been alone like this.

With a deep breath, Yu forces on his practiced mask of ease. “I’m okay.”

“Are you really? Or do you just not want to talk about it?”

The fact that Yosuke can see through him so well makes his knees weak, makes him want to say everything he couldn’t after the fireworks, everything eating at him today. Get out of his head, confide completely in this boy breaking down walls so permanently enclosing his heart he barely registered they even existed until he came along.

Instead, Yu shrugs, not wanting to lie, hoping that’s enough.

“Okay.” Yosuke tightens his grip, once, before dropping his hand. “That’s okay.”

Yu chews his lip. There’s still something stiff about Yosuke, on edge. It reminds him of his parents, before telling him bad news. Before leaving him.

He doesn’t know what he’d do if Yosuke did that to him.

“Are you angry with me?” he asks, so quiet he isn’t sure if Yosuke will even hear.

But he does, and he’s shocked. “Huh? No! Why would I be?”

For failing to continue the investigation. For getting knocked down. For not speaking. Never speaking. “You seem upset.”

Yosuke laughs, wry and bitter. “Yeah,” he says, “I kinda am. But I’m not  _ mad _ at you, you’re just...worrying me, partner.”

Yu doesn’t respond, simply cocks his head in a silent question.

“It feels like something’s off,” Yosuke continues, in an attempt to explain. “You were fighting Naoto’s Shadow with this  _ look _ on your face, and I swear sometimes you weren’t even using the right Persona. Then you didn’t want me walking you home and… Dude, I thought--I thought I lost you today. You  _ died _ and we...we were convinced you’d  _ stay  _ like that and...” He trails off with a choke, and Yu notices with concern that Yosuke is once more on the verge of tears.

He doesn’t know what to do. Part of him wishes to hug Yosuke again, chins resting on shoulders, assuring him that  _ it’s okay, he survived, it’s okay _ . Never letting go, selfishly extending that closeness. Part of him, though, is frozen, paralyzed from guilt. 

“And...god _ dammit _ , I can’t lose you,” Yosuke continues, wiping his eyes with his sleeve as Yu stares in fascination. “Ever. So whatever’s going on with you, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but don’t freaking  _ die  _ on me. All right?”

Yosuke tries to smile, clearly attempting to ease the tension of their conversation, but his last words tie a knot in Yu’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, his own voice choked.

Yosuke’s eyes are wide, full of disbelief. “It’s...It’s not your fault, Yu,” he says, sending butterflies into Yu’s stomach from the use of his name. “I wasn’t trying to  _ blame _ you, or anything. I was just.” He rubs the back of his neck as his cheeks turn red. “Scared. I was scared.”

“Me too,” Yu admits in a whisper, standing very still, his head buzzing with memories of Naoto’s Shadow crying, begging, pleading. Looking for acceptance, companionship. Trying and reaching and grasping. He suddenly feels like an anchor is weighing him down, pulling him underwater, drowning.

Yosuke’s voice feels far away when he speaks again. “Hey, uh. Would you mind if I stayed the night? I--” He hesitates, coughs, embarrassed. “I’d rather not be alone, you know?”

And just like that, the weight feels lighter, closer to swimming than drowning, and Yu finds himself nodding mutely, sees the relief at the way Yosuke’s shoulders finally, finally relax. He can’t fully say how much he needed this, Yosuke’s persistence. How much his best friend has pushed past his barriers.

How much he wants to curl into Yosuke’s side again, this time never leaving, convincing himself it’ll be all right. It’s almost easy to, when Yosuke offers him a genuine grin.

It’s almost easy to just live, and forget.


End file.
